Journey of the Heart Journal - Safe Harbor

When I set out to create the Journey of the Heart Journal, I had no idea that this would be a transformative experience. Each week I decide a theme and explore the topic. I have been impressed with how the theme develops. Little miracles appear daily - the perfect quotes appear in my inbox, or I randomly turn to a page in one of my books and therein lies words that tie in so well. What is amazing is how the unfolding journey is guiding me, helping me to listen to my heart. And while this journey has only just begun I have experienced so much personal growth. Publishing this journal and my experiences each week gives me a gentle push to keep creating. It helps me to know that others look forward to my weekly posts and more importantly this magical journey is helping them find their own way. This week I had designed the journal page first and then set out to explore the theme. I started with the word, "safety" which lead me to "safe harbor." It took all week before the words for this post were ready to emerge.

 It took a painful experience to help me focus and put to words not only what I need on this journey right now but how it relates to the theme, "safe harbor." Pictured above is my darling son. It was taken days before he left to go spend the summer with his father. My son has longed to live with his father for some time and just yesterday it has been decided that he will stay in Colorado (1800 miles from where I live). My mother's heart feels splintered. I love him so much and know that he is at an age that he needs his dad. He needs to learn from his father the lessons that I can not teach him. Even though I know this is the best thing for him and I support this decision, it is nonetheless very painful for me. I have been preparing for the empty nest in three years and didn't expect that it would be happening now. I guess it is a good thing I was planning ahead, you never know when things change up. As you can imagine, my journal is playing a HUGE role in my life. In my pain, I need a safe harbor. A place where I can nurture me and my dreams.

I left work early yesterday to come home and rest. After a little nap I thought about what I needed and I promised myself three things.

1. I will take extremely good care of myself.

I will continue to make healthy choices. Rest, nutritious foods,  exercise, meditation, and time for quiet reflection will help prepare me as I navigate this challenge and other challenges that are part of living.

On a table next to my bed is a dish filled with rocks and seashells. I pulled out a few items and held them in my hand. A dear friend gave me the heart rock and wing-like shell pictured above. Both pieces feel so good in my hand. As I rubbed the surfaces of these pieces I thought about my second promise.

2. I will embrace my feelings.

I've come to learn that it is important to honor our feelings. I have also learned that I am more than my feelings. Emotions are like storms that roll in. It is easy to get swept up in them. Our minds have a way of attaching to the emotions and playing thoughts over and over. Experience has taught me that if we don't hold onto the emotions but rather observe them, they will blow through. I know that it is important to face the pain and not try to numb. I remind myself, "I am prepared for this challenge. I have what I need. I am brave." 

The same friend gave me this unusual rock. Can you see the mother and child? I squeeze this rock in my hand. Tears pour down my face. I find myself using some of the same breathing techniques that I used to birth my son. Letting go is one of the hardest and most important lessons in life.

I have a book, 365 Mary: A Daily Guide to Mary's Wisdom and Comfort by Woodeene Koenig-Bricker. I turn to this book when I seek guidance. I hold the book and I ask Mary for a message. I close my eyes and I open my heart as I open the book randomly to a page. Invariably, the message is what I need to read.

Today was no different.

Mary answers me with "Fiat!"

Here is the passage from the book:

In some translations of Luke's Gospel, when Gabriel asks Mary if she's willing to become the mother of the Savior, she answers, "Fiat!"

More than a mere yes, her response means, "Let it be! Let it happen!" It's a resounding yes - and not just to the question of the moment but to the adventure of life, with all its ups and downs, ins and outs, pains and joys.

Mary's response -  "Fiat!" - should be ours as well. We're all called to live life to the fullest, not to go around like servants in a fantasy castle waiting for some distant moment when a prince will arrive to awaken the imprisoned princess with a kiss (and in the process wake everyone else up as well).

The time for waiting is over. The prince has already arrived. The princess is already awake. It's time to rouse ourselves from the dream world and start living!

Today observe your surroundings through freshly awakened senses. Look at the street you live on as if you've never seen it before. Drink your morning coffee as if it were the first cup you've ever tasted. Listen to the chirp of birds as if you've never heard birdsong before. Run your hand along the line of your cheek as if you've never felt a jawbone before. Breathe in the morning air as if this were your first breath. Make "Fiat!" your response to all of creation.

I make my third promise:

3. I will say, "Fiat! Yes! Let it be!"

I will keep my focus on my dreams and will take steps each day now more than ever to fully realize them. Now that I don't have the responsibility of cooking and caring for my son's daily needs, I have a new found space and time. How will I fill it? I have a storybook in me ready to be written. It is the first in a series of books and products that I will design. Now is the time to create them! 

Everyone needs a safe harbor. A place where we can be ourselves. A safe place to nurture our bodies, minds, and dreams. Pictured above is the journal page that I designed for this week. The clouds provide a perfect backdrop for your journal writing.

I pulled out the affirmation cards pictured above. They come from a delightful boxed set called, You Can Heal Your Life Affirmations Kit by Louise Hay. There are a couple of cards that really suits today's post.

My home is a peaceful haven.

I bless my home with love.
I put love in every corner,
and my home lovingly responds with warmth and comfort.
I am at peace.

Another card reads:

I am safe; it's only change.

I cross all bridges with joy and ease.
The "old" unfolds into wonderful new experiences.
My life gets better all the time.

This is the first time in my life that I am living alone. I look around my little place and I'm now thinking about how I can transform it. It is already my safe haven but now I want to declutter and design a space that is a reflection of me. I'm eager to clear out my spare room, the "creative cave of chaos" and design a good studio space.

I pulled from my bookshelf,  Altar Your Space: A Guide to the Restorative Homeby Jagatjoti S. Khalsa. I love, love, love the styles and philosophy behind the interior design in this book. It speaks to me of sanctuary building. A search on the web brought me to the following short video that gives you a glimpse of the design style and an opportunity to meet the designer behind this gorgeous book.

Altar Your Space | Jagatjoti Khalsa | Organic... by OrganicStyle

Sometimes we need to take refuge outside of our homes. Next week I will be heading to Maine for a week long vacation. I will be staying in a charming bed and breakfast. Each day I plan on revisiting the area lighthouses. I'll bring my camera and journal. My plan is to write my first story while hanging out at the various lighthouses. I will imagine my love signals going out into the world as I write my story. 

I am really looking forward to this much needed time for rest, relaxation, and reflection. 

The views will nourish this mermaid's soul.

And it will prepare me to return and provide a safe harbor for others who come to visit me at my treehouse and blogs.

To get your copy of the Journey of the Heart Journal, subscribe to the True North Arts Newsletter:

Subscribe to the True North Arts/Collage Diva newsletter to download the journal pages for free! That's right, subscribers will get access to a weekly journal page with new artwork, prompts, affirmations, and/or inspirational quotes. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Email Marketing by iContact

 

Note I will be offline and unplugged for most of the week. I will likely publish the next journal page upon my return but I may decide to give myself some extra time. Know that I will look forward to hearing from you and how you are creating your own safe harbors.

{Namaste}

Kathryn, Collage Diva
kathrynantyr@mac.com 

Comments

[Fran]

Thanks for sharing your heartfelt story and images.

[Miss Robyn]

oh how I know how your heart is feeling righ now xo - I am having huge changes in my life with my children moving. about the same distance as your boy. my daughter, her husband and two babies are moving away to start a new life in a different part of Australia. wonderful life style for them.. but I won't see them often. my son is living in the opposite direction about 1,000 klms away. I am in a state of fear right now - fear of change. I love that our lives all over the world are so similar and we support each other with our stories. xoxo

[Tanya]

This post is so touching. Wow, this is a big change for both of you. Maybe you can come out sometime this fall to visit?

[Rebecca in Switzerland]

Hello. I'm not sure where or how you found me... on facebook, through blogs, maybe Gypsy Girl's Guide.. I'm not sure. What you've written here so resonated with me, though, because I used to be a stepmother... not your average stepmother... my stepson called me "Mom" and I was a mother. When that home and family came apart, it was crushing. No... really there is no word for it. Also, even years later living alone is still really, really difficult for me. I don't want to live alone, I don't want to be single at this point in my life... and yet that's exactly what I'm doing. This is where life led. Anyway... know that you are not alone. Loved reading this today. Thank you.

[Shell]

I can only how imagine how painful Loki living with his father is for you. How great a mom you are to be able to let him go and live with his father. I'm sure Loki will be missing you big time.
The flip side is now you have more time on you and things you wish to create. Spending a week going to lighthouses sounds heavenly.
Take care, my friend. I love that book. I have to see if I can get it from the library.

[Elizabeth]

Wow...Lots happening for you . . . big openings ... that video was pretty amazing...You are the ultimate mother... allowing your child to go where he needs to go to grow into who he is . . . Your mother's heart is huge . . . I bow in your presence . . . beautiful mother . . . and I send you love as you create this new opening for yourself.... many blessings to you . . .

[Paula - Buenos Aires]

{big hugs from a mom to another}

[Kim]

You have been suddenly gifted with what every mother wants - free time. But that comes with a price. In your case, there was no option. It is a wonderful thing that your son's father was willing to take him on full time. We know what a commitment and sacrifice that is. But the ache of his absence, missing his daily transitions into adulthood, that is hard, harder than I can imagine. I send you peace from my own mother's heart. In order to say yes to his request to stay in Colorado, you have shown a strength that is immeasurable. I hope you have a healing week in Maine.

[adele]

I am not good with change...I feel challenged and want to turn inward and shut the world out...so scared i am of taking the wrong step or making a mistake. It has taken a long long time for me to work instead with change, to accept its challenge and follow its path...no matter how scarey or threatening. In the end...when I can see the light....it feels so great to be able to look back and see how far this new road has taken me.

I know it sounds trite, but all things happen for a reason. You are strong woman, one who knows what direction she needs to go. Letting go of your son, letting him be with his Dad must be heart wrenching, but you are right....it's where he needs to be. I hope you can take this challenge and do what you do so well...let it take you down a new road, one that will give you opportunities that might not have been offered to you before.

enjoy a safe harbor in Maine.

[Deborah-Boston]

My dear, dear, K,

Just catching up to your words, your sensitive thoughts and this huge change that is no longer just a possibility, but has come about. You know that my heart is right there with you as a mother who has been separated from her sons across 3,000 miles for many years. The road will be challenging, but full of freedom as you go forward. Your artist's heart will stand you in good stead. We will spend more time sharing artist dates long before Tuscany. I think at this juncture, you may want to bring a loving 4-legged friend back into your life. They are angels with paws. Meanwhile....you ARE doing it all right and we all need to learn from you. Keep sharing, Mz. Mermaid.

Hugs,
Deb

[bonitarose]

Big hugs. I know all too well what it's like living without your children day in and day out. I am noncustodial mom to my two teenage girls... and some days.. it's hard.. oh so hard.. I too hv my story to share with the world too... I too want to publish my story.. let us strong women we are inspire others.. xo remember this.. you are an inspiration and your life matters.. xo big hugs. xo

[amateur-in-art]

Bless you, Diva! And know that you are blessed - and that you constantly and consistently are blessing others.

I sense the peace despite the pain in your post; what courage and love it takes to let your man go to be with his father. I trust this will be a rewarding, transformative time for both you and your son.

[Lyn Slade]

Kathryn,
I haven't checked in for some time and now I learn of your newest challenge.
This I know;
MOTHER - the hardest job in the world.
Your creative mind will support you.
You will find exciting new ways to keep in touch with your son.
You both will grow in unexpected ways.

I hope you are enjoying your time in Maine. I too took an artist's retreat week in Maine, my first vacation in years. Delicious.

Look forward to your blog upon return.
Lyn xo