On a recent walk I came upon these sweet Lilies of the Valley. How fitting seeing that they are my mother's favorite flower and Mother's Day was around the corner. As I walked home savoring the sweet perfume of these little gems I thought about my son coming home in a month.
If you are not familiar with my story, my son is now 16 years old and last June left to live with his dad. He typically goes out each summer and lives with me but this year we decided it was time for him to get some quality time with his dad. I realized that there are so many lessons a boy needs to learn from his dad that I just have no clue about. It was one of the most painful a difficult decisions, ever. It was unexpected too as he was out on his vacation when it was decided and he wouldn't come home until Christmas vacation. Let me tell you I cherished those two weeks!
I've been thinking a lot about my son these days. I've missed the little blondie who stole my heart. Now he is an emerging adult and I realize that his needs are different now. As much as he still needs a mother's love, I'm so aware that I could easily s-mother him. I took some time to sit with my journal on Mother's Day and write about my feelings. I quickly filled three pages in my notebook and throughout I paused and asked,
"What does my son need?"
At the end of my journal session I realized what he needs most of all are two things:
love and understanding.
I know I have already fertilized the soil with lessons of right and wrong, my expectations, and so forth. I know too that there comes a time when a plant needs to be left alone to grow. If I keep watering and fertilizing it, it will grow weak and die. My son like the plant needs some autonomy to make decisions and to practice the lessons I've already taught him. He is a smart boy, he doesn't need me to sound like a broken record. When my son lived with me, his father use to be the "fun" parent and I was the "parenting parent" but now the roles are reversed and I get to be the "fun" parent. I'm looking forward to listening to his stories, to observe what and how he thinks, and to share lots of laughs. I have some unique outings in mind that will get us out in nature and enjoy what our beautiful state has to offer.
Parenting a teenager is so tough. It is a challenge to find the balance between protecting and guiding. My hope is that I can parent from a place of love and understanding, not fear. I trust that I can give him the space he needs to grow. It is less than one month away until he arrives. As I prepare his room in our new place, I will savor the solitude as I anticipate the time we will share with each other.
Although this blog post is going up a few days past Mother's Day, my mother's heart sends out a lot of love to all the mothers out there, even those women who have never had a child but are an important role model to others. Motherhood is one of the most challenging and rewarding roles and I'm so grateful for this opportunity. As much as my heart was broken in the last year it still manages to overflow with love and understanding.
{soul hugs}
Kathryn, Collage Diva
