Be crumbled.
So wild flowers will come up
Where you are.
You have been stony for too many years.
Try something different. Surrender.
Rumi ♥
This week's Journey of the Heart Journal post and downloads are about surrendering. What burdens are you carrying that you are ready to let go of? I share some of my stories and offer some suggestions on how to soften, release, and find peace.
Namaste,
Kathryn, Collage Diva
Last night I met a friend for dinner. She came bearing gifts. I just love getting prezzies. Tucked in a bag was the journal pictured above and some matching notecards. The words and images are truly perfect. I shared with my friend the details of the shocking news that I received last weekend and where I'm at with it. As hard as this news was to hear, it has helped me to make the last break out of my cocoon. There is a loss of that child-like innocence and I'm claiming my womanhood. Finally I am free. Free from the judgements of two very critical judges. For you see, I am now my own person no longer pushed or motivated for approval. I have arrived. Here I am!
I'm grateful that I took the steps in earnest last November to begin this process. I know that I will always be evolving and growing, but today I can say that I've reached a very new place in my life and I'm excited to see where the adventure will take me.
Don't forget to join me tomorrow for the Mad Hatter Tea party. Come back to my blog and I'll tell you a story. I also have a little gift for you too!
Until then,
Namaste,
Kathryn, Collage Diva
This is one amazing ikebana arrangement made by a fellow student at Ikebana Flower in Nashua. The vase had mysteriously split in half one day. It was a clean cut, like it had a stress fissure and it was a matter of time when it would break. The two pieces were used in this arrangement and provided a unique look at how something broken can hold so much beauty.
I apologize up front for my poor quality photos. It was crowded at the student show and I rushed to snap shots of the arrangement. From this angle you can see the beautiful lines and movement.
I adore calla lilies and these orange ones are magnificent. The callas look like trumpets heralding good news.
If you've been following my blog, you read this week that I received some upsetting news. I felt broken much like this vase with a quick clean and unexpected cut. Looking at Shari's arrangement, I can see how beautiful even something broken can be. It may take rearranging the pieces a bit, but there is always a place for love, light, and beauty.
Namaste,
Kathryn, Collage Diva
Running, retreating, hiding...these are all my knee jerk reactions when faced with a difficult situation. I guess it is that "flight" response. My word for 2011 is "love" and I'm keeping this watchword close to the vest these days. This time, rather than running and hiding, I'm pausing.
And, I'm keeping my heart open.
{soul hugs}
Kathryn, Collage Diva
I received some disturbing news last night. It is the kind of news that challenges everything one has known. I can't share any details, it is just too personal, but what I can share is that it is about a trust that was broken and a boundary that was violated. My heart swelled last night so big and torrents of tears rocked my body. I managed to get some sleep thanks in large part from a phone call from a dear friend who has known me for a long time.
This morning I woke up and thought about how life has a way of throwing curve balls. I'm seeing this as an opportunity to test out all that I've learned in life. I've untangled the rigging and replaced a tattered sail from last nights emotional storm and today I'm ready to set sail. I know there will be more storms ahead but just as I've been writing in recent blogs, the emotions that form the waves on the surface are fleeting. I have deep within me a calm center and I know how to get there.
Today I'm embracing what is lovely about life and choosing to take my time as I navigate these new waters.
{soul hugs}
Kathryn, Collage Diva
"How do you get along with money? If you have a representation of yourself on the page, is money bigger, smaller, more dominant, non-existent, in relationship with or at a distance to you?"
Luna Jaffe, is a financial consultant who works with creatives and artists on more than financial planning. She helps her clients to go beyond the spreadsheets and budgets and look at their relationship with money.
I thought about Luna's prompt for a couple of days before I sat down to illustrate my relationship with money. I've come a long way in the last seven years when my marriage dissolved. It was a tough transition. I went without and lived very simply. Now I'm in a much better place with only two credit cards that I pay off within the same month. I have also acquired so much stuff (for better or worse) and I've taken so many classes and workshops. I needed to do these things for me. Now I'm at a different place and it is time to re-evaluate my goals. When I look at my relationship with money, I see a woman who isn't looking closely at her piggy bank. In fact, she is really blind-folded and her bank is cracked with money slipping out. Working on this exercise has really helped me to see where I'm at and what I need to do next. Over the Christmas holidays my son will be traveling to Colorado to spend some time with his dad. I have four days off from work and I'm planning a personal retreat during this time. Along with some creative play time, I will do a little day dreaming to help me see what I truly want in life and wish to achieve in the next year, 3-years, and 5-years. Once I clarify my priorities I can then assess how I spend my money. One important question to ask each time I spend money is, "Does this really support my short-term and long-term goals?" Now is the time for me to take off the blind-fold and repair my piggy bank.
How about you? What is your relationship with money?
You can learn more about Luna Jaffe and her business on her websites: www.lunariafinancial.com and www.lunajaffe.com.
Here is a view from my place taken this morning. I've moved my treadmill out of storage! This is a huge step for me. I've been feeling a strong desire to get my body moving. It is so cold here these days and I'm grateful to have this piece of exercise equipment so I don't have fit "going to a gym" into my schedule.
Each Wednesday Jamie Ridler poses a question in her Wishcasting Wednesday blog post. I haven't posted in a couple of weeks but I do carry the questions around and reflect on them. Two weeks ago she asked, "What do you wish to slow into?" And last week's question was, "What do you wish to transform?"
In November I participated in Art Every Day Month and a daily blog challenge. It was really time consuming given that I work full time, take classes, and I'm a single mom. Having lists, a schedule, and perseverance got me through. Now I'm ready to slow into my normal routine. I've slowed into my day with some reading and journal writing and I slow out of my day in the same way. I'm not blogging daily and I do miss it but it feels great to relax.
In 2011, I wish to transform my relationship with food. I admit that I'm a compulsive eater. I've been reading Marianne Williamson's new book, "A Course in Weight Loss." She doesn't go into any diet regime or exercise routines. The focus really is on our relationship with food. What has been amazing is that within the first week, I pulled out the treadmill and I'm walking regularly. I'm even reading the lessons in the book while I walk. At the core of it all the message is reduced down to "love." This will be my word in 2011. There is so much to explore with this word and it begins with loving ourselves.
Today's question is how do you wish to soar? I look forward to carrying this question around this week. Swing by Jamie's blog to participate in Wishcasting Wednesday and to visit the other wishcasters.
I was traveling through Bloglandia last Friday by way of the Twittersphere and discovered Patti Digh's blog 37days.com. Her post du jour was a prompt to write a letter to your seventeen-year-old self. I pulled out a composition book from my stash of virgin supplies and cracked the spine to write little letters and notes to a younger me as I responded to the question, "What advice would you give your younger self?" I took Patti's suggestion to carve out 15 minutes a day to write. As I read back the entries throughout the week, I noticed how the advice that I offer the younger me is also encouraging the forty-one year-old me. My highlighter came out each day coloring various phrases and keywords -- all fodder for some great affirmations. In this short little exercise each day I cultivated by weeks end a little treasure trove of material for my art journal pursuits. I pulled out one nugget to begin a new series in my "message to me" art journal - "Tend Your Garden." My advice is to tend to yourself as you would tend a garden. It isn't self-fish, it is self-care. What do you need to make your garden grow? I then drew some pink fluffy clouds and filled them with some of the many things that nurture me - body and soul.
What advice would you give to your younger self? What do you need to make your own garden grow?
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A dear friend of mine has made great strides at decluttering and sprucing up her home. I had been thinking of doing the same thing for months now. Seeing her progress inspired me to tackle my home to make room for more creativity and abundance in my life. This week I rolled up my sleeves and started working on my creative room. It is amazing how much I hold on to. My ex-husband and I would joke that I was a gerbil in a previous life. If you saw the paper I collect, you would understand why. While clearing things out I came across a little journal that I started on the day that my ex and I separated. As I read through the entries I was amazed at how I wasn't affected by it. It was as if I was reading someone else's story. That separation was 5-1/2 years ago and I'm so happy that I've moved past that painful period in my life. I decided that I no longer want to hold onto this little journal so I pulled out the pages and burned them.
I looked at my phone in horror.
"You want me to what?" I said into it.
"It's time, Christine. You've been talking about that basement for weeks now. It's time to deal with it."
I had been working with my coach for months at this point. And even though I had reached certain levels of success in my career, I kept getting stuck in the same old ruts. I was about to record my fourth CD, and I was ready to move to a higher level.
Thom was doing what good coaches do: listening carefully, seeing clearly - and of course, pushing me to take conscious action.
So, he encouraged me to start small and completely clear out the junk
in my basement. Thirty minutes a day.
One section at a time. Building momentum as I went.
Each week, during our call, I'd report back on my progress.
Each week, I had a new reason why I simply could not let go of some clutter-y item.
"But I spent so much on it!" "I might need it someday!" "I could gain weight and need this again." "I paid such a good price for it!"
To my credit, I did pretty well at letting go once Thom talked me through these old mindsets.
Then came the week I had to face one particularly significant section of the basement.
It was where I stored various pieces of furniture I had gotten at the Salvation Army and at local flea markets when I first began my songwriting career. A bookcase, a kitchen table, a dresser, and a few shelves. I no longer liked or used this furniture because my tastes totally changed. I had begun to cherish beauty and opulence in my surroundings. I wanted to fill my home only with items that I loved.
"So, Christine," Thom asked. "Why don't you want to let these things go?"
I was embarrassed. But I told him the truth. "Well, here's the thing. If my music career doesn't work out, I might need them one day. If I fail, and I don't have any money, I might wish I had kept these things."
Long pause.
"So, you'll be on the street - but at least you'll have that bookcase?"
I laughed.
Thom sighed. And what he said next has been a core lesson of creating my success and happiness.
He said that everything in our lives has energy. Everything has our thoughts and emotions embedded into it. Old furniture is no exception. In essence, what I was saying to the universe and to my subconscious, creative self was this:
I believe so deeply in my own failure that I'm holding onto physical things that represent that possibility. Every time I walk by these items in my basement, I will be reminded of my inevitable failure. Every moment I'm in my house, my subconscious will know that in the very foundation of my life (my basement), there are items that prove I don't believe in my own success.
That week, I called Goodwill, and scheduled an appointment to have the old furniture taken away.
I'd love to report that I smiled and waved as the old clunky furniture was carried away. But the truth is I was terrified. I was letting go of my Plan B. I was saying to the Universe: "I thoroughly believe in my own success."
I had never done that before in such a concrete way!
As I wrote earlier, I began recording my fourth CD "Rain & Mud & Wild & Green" as I was clearing out the basement. That CD went on to sell five times more than any of my other CD's. It received rave reviews. Border's Books featured it on a listening post that year, and named it the top CD of the year in my category.
Now, even though I know this success wasn't ONLY about letting go of my old flea market furniture, I have become a firm believer that we each need to pay attention to the energy of the stuff that surrounds us. We need to pay attention to what we are telling our subconscious minds when we hold on.
Now you.
What are you holding onto? What thoughts and beliefs are you putting out into the Universe by clinging to it? Are you telling yourself you don't believe in the inevitability of your own success and prosperity? Or that you don't believe you can expand and create better things in your life?
Pick one thing - just one small thing - and let it go. Today!
Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her 'LiveCreative' weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative atwww.christinekane.com.
It takes courage to try new things, to imagine our lives differently, to visit the old worn out stories that we've told about our lives for so many years and dare to rewrite them. It takes courage to be ourselves. In the last 24-hours I've witnessed courage in so many people:
I thought about courage this morning and decided to pull an affirmation off of my fridge to share with you today. "I am courageous. I have the willingness to explore new possibilities."
What new possibilities will you explore today?
{soul hugs}
Kathryn Antyr, Collage Diva
